Slight change of theme...

So by now i should be in Nepal, sleeping my first night in the tent after the Day 1 climb.

Instead, I'm on the sofa watching trash telly and eating takeout. 

The Thursday night a week or so before we were due, I had to take some meds, and as a fairly routine thing i took a pregnancy test.  After 18 months of trying, and being under the hospital for my problems, it never even crossed my mind that it would be anything other than negative.  All my Nepal stuff was brought, we were on the final count down and I was full of excitement.  Then it came up positive.

After an emergency trip to Tesco at about 11 pm I took another two tests and yep, it was still showing up as positive.  18 months of trying and it pops up YES just before I am due to go off on the adventure of a life time.

That night I didn't get a lot of sleep, I'll be honest.  Mingled in with happiness over pregnancy was worry over what to do about Nepal, what everyone would say, what would happen next.  I had a few pains on the Friday and an urgent appointment at the doctors (who essentially reassured me i was just over-reacting) and i think that worry about the baby helped make him/her seem a little bit more real.

Friday was a long day at work, party through sleep deprivation, but also through confusion over what to do next, and it was a relief to get on the train and head off for a weekend with my husband in York.  I tried to put Nepal out of my head and just concentrate on the excitement of being pregnant.  We spent time talking about names and plans, and just focusing on us.  Tony promised to stand by me and support me with whatever decision I made about going to Nepal and knowing I had that support, not his judgement, helped.

I spoke to Homeless International and Rob (the manager at work who is leading on the trip) and it was agreed that I could still travel if I wanted to, but of course that was the big decision.  Even after we'd spent Monday telling our family and assuring everyone I wasn't going to Nepal, there was still a part of me that thought maybe it was possible, that maybe there was a way to do it safely.  Homeless International even offered to make special arrangements for me so i didn't have to do the trek (so in actual fact tonight could have been my first night with a local Nepalese family), but the decision had to be mine.

On Wednesday morning (essentially D Day) I had an appointment with the midwife, and by lunchtime I needed to make a final decision about Nepal so there would be some hope of a replacement.  The midwife told me what I would need to do if I was going to fly, and there was still a part of me imagining going with my bump and being able to show them the photo's when they were older of what an amazing trip they'd been a part of. 

They dated my pregnancy at 12 weeks so the midwife called to arrange a scan for the following week (note I was due to flt on the Monday) and when she said the first available one was Wednesday, it was suddenly really easy to make a choice.  Got to Nepal, share in this epic adventure, see mountains and slums, make a difference to the world, or miss it, stay home and see my baby.  I emailed work and told them they could fill my place.

After a week of turmoil and tears, suddenly I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  My epic adventure was just beginning, and I could make a difference in our baby's life by staying here and looking after her (him).

So Monday came, I went to work and I choose not to wave my team off.  Sheleen and I had talked, and we decided it was best for both of us.  They caught the coach to London then a plane to Qatar and then on to Kathmandu, slept overnight and caught a second plane to Pokhara.  There they met some of the amazing people working on community plans and spent the next two days digging foundations and building walls for houses.  After that they headed off from Pokhara (via a short boat trip) and began their big trek.  No wifi, no toilets, no wattsap messages to me!!!!!

In contrast, I walked in to a stunning bunch of flowers from my Nepal team on Monday that I kept on my desk as a reminder , and on Wednesday my husband and I went to the scan saw our tiny Shrimp and the little heart beating so strong.  I was only 8+1 weeks, so Shrimp is still tiny, but looks like a baby, albeit a raspberry sized one.  The little nubs that will become arms and legs have started to grow, and the head is clearly discernible.  I spent most of the week feeling tired and excited, peeing loads more than normal and showing my scan picture to anyone who'd look!  I've had some messages off Sheleen and there's a part of me wishing i was there but I know I'm in the right place, especially when I need to sleep so much lol.  Today whilst my hubby and our best man went out, I went into town and brought a couple of pregnancy books, some pregnancy tights (more bloat than baby alas) and then got a taxi home cos I was shattered.  I've spent the night on the sofa watching Downton Abbey catch-ups whilst the boys are at the pub and looking at Shrimps picture on the fireplace.

Sure it's hard knowing I came <this> close to fulfilling one of my dreams, but being a mommy has been my dream for far longer, and the adventure will last far longer.  I'm so amazingly proud of what my friends are doing in Nepal, and I can't wait to hear all about the life changing things they have seen and done, I hope through the fundraising we have done and continue to do I am still considered a part of the team - I am proud to be Princess Boggy Bear, and I can't wait to get Shrimp a little Bear baby-grow once (s)he comes along to join us.  I am so grateful for the people I have had a chance to get to know or to get to know better through this whole process, and I know that I have made new friends who I value. 

But perhaps the most valuable thing from this is that whilst I have and will always have fertility problems, maybe the extra push towards fitness to get ready for Nepal was the last push for my body to just once do the right thing and help me make a baby.  Perhaps if I'd never been part of the team I wouldn't actually be pregnant right now so that really is the best possible thing that could have come out of this trip.

My team will be getting up in a few hours to do Day 2 of the climb (still upwards!) and I'll be reading all about the next chapter of my journey in my new books and looking forward to the day when we can sit down with Aunty Sheleen and look through all her cool Nepal photo's.

To Bog and Beyond!

Sunday saw the last "practice" climb for the Nepal team, lead by the intrepid Dave's C and B over at Kinder Scout in the Peak District.

With a 6 - 6.30 am departure for most of us, we were up and out before the Sun, which finally emerged over the horizon behind a haze of mist for a truly stunning sunrise, and lots of excited photographing from those of us who rarely see the sun rise.  For some crazy reason, Jan again took me, Sheleen and Julie despite knowing that he'd have to have a car of girl princess singing as his reward - our intrepid car crew were on their way!

As we drove up into the Peak District, it seemed we sailed besides the oceans of past millennia as the land pulled the shrouds of mist densely and protectively against her - all very mystical and beautiful until we hit a descent and ended up driving through the "sea" - cue songs from The Little Mermaid (in our car at least - poor Jan!) and lots of perplexed peering with the SatNav advising of turnings no one could see!

Within a few hours we had arrived and with a few last minute toilet trips, the team were assembled we began our climb - gentle and rolling unlike the initial steep ascent of Snowdon (my only other climb).  At least this one was going to be fairly hassle free...

Lesson there in speaking too soon!

Whilst Jacobs ladder made me think rude and unspeakable things about Jacob, the views were stunning, with the mist fighting the sun to claim the valley floor, creating an otherworldly dreamscape.  Finally, the sun won out, the mist dissipated and we were left with a beautiful and clear day (cue lots of layer stripping from the team!)

The climb was fairly straightforward, a good climb with friends, views across England's green and pleasant lands and lots of jelly babies and jelly tots and when the going did get tough, I reminded myself of the pain of bootcamp and just what my body could do.  We finally arrived at the top at 11.30, having climbed so high we'd reached the moon, we had time for a quick photo shoot before making our way to the waterfall for lunch, although I'm still not sure if this was because of how beautiful the view is there, or because Julie wouldn't let us have lunch before 12 pm!  Alas, the waterfall was not in full flow, and looked more like the rocks had sprung a slow leak - something Rob H (our work plumber) seemed unwilling to go and rectify!

Assured by Dave C that it was now "all down hill from here", that really should be the end of the adventure - we climbed down, had a cup of tea, and went home!  However, our off road adventure was far from over...

Next important lesson - just because it's flat doesn't mean it's your friend.  Less like a comforting aunty and more like an obsessive ex who wants to hold you captive and never let you go, dragging you down into the deep, dark depths.  OK, so I may be slightly traumatised...  You see, far from being the easy bit, there was danger in where to tread!  Whether walking besides the river or across the boggy flatland's, if there was a sink hole to be found, it seemed poor April would find it.  Not that the lads weren't very good at rescuing her, but they did have to wait for Julie to take a photo and I think she was starting to feel a little picked on by the bog goblins.  Whilst Gemma seemed to float over the bog, April, stepping in her stead was repeatedly sunk beyond ankles into wet, peaty bog.  So far so funny (sorry April) :)

The first time I went down to my ankle, there was at least solid rock underneath.  The next time there was nothing beneath and that feeling of not being put your foot on something solid, not even really having anything solid to push against with your other foot is disconcerting to say the least.  Let's just say Mark F had more than his fair share of having to pull me out of things and up things.  It was about to get boggier.  When we crossed the flats (all quite pretty) my left leg sank to the ankle and my right leg sunk to the thigh.  Bog goblins had captured me.  I wasn't actually sure I was ever getting out of there, or that rescue was coming.  When you're thigh deep and have to yell "Seriously, I can't get out!!!!" at your team, hope fades and the goblins giggle.  With much hilarity and photo's from my team, Mark and Jan finally came back for me - pulled me up a few inches and then I stuck again.  The fact that the land is so soft means no one really has anything solid to pull against, and if you get too close to the really bad bit, you're going to end up with three people in the rescue plane, not one.  Not sure I actually would have been willing to share at that point, other than with my bog buddy April.  Fortunately, with their strength and my barely concealed panic, we got me (and a large amount of bog in my boot) out.  April and I now had matching muddy legs!

The journey across the top was a mixture of the sublime and the ridiculous - the views and the sinking's.  It's the kind of thing that could ruin a day's walk but thanks to the camaraderie (mainly expressed through laughter and ill-timed photo's) and team spirit, it weirdly seemed to make the day.  If we can get April and I across the Bog of Eternal Stench then Nepal should hold far less fear for us together.  We might have been dirty, but we were all in high spirits when we finally reached that very epitome of happiness and security - solid rock!

Apparently you can tell when the walk got easier based on whether the girls chat was about "oohhh it's hard", "aagghhh", "how much farther" or "ohh what are you packing", "are you taking straighteners", "how much luggage can we take?"

Important lesson 2 - "all down hill from here" is code for only at least two more climbs!  However, having escaped the bogs, the last climb only received a modicum of whining and moaning from me, mainly about my sore knee's - and not so very reassuring reassurances that they'd hurt even more by the time we'd done the final descent!!  Turns out to be very true.  I actually missed the bogs as we came down what I at least consider to be sheer rock.

It was a rather grumpy Charlotte that made that final descent (in no small measure due to Rob's walking poles), but the swap from soggy socks and boggy boots to clean trainers was enough to bring a smile to any face (and the promise of the pub...)

We had a really good day, hard work at times, hysterical (not always the laughter kind) most of the time and definitely bonding with all the bog rescues.

The journey home (bless poor Jan) with me, Sheleen and Julie was a medley of Disney Princess songs (to say Jan was singing along would be mean, but not entirely untrue) and enjoying the views that we missed thanks to the swathes of mist in the morning!  

Home at last, a good scrub in the shower, iced peas on my knees and lots of photo uploading later, I was ready for an early night.

Thank you to all the team who were on the climb, and I can't wait for the next one (in Nepal!!!).  Dave C and B, we'll miss you lots!

You can donate towards the 50k whg has committed to raising for Homeless International  here at http://tinyurl.com/sponsorcharlfornepal.  To donate £2, text HOMELESS to 70099.  You will be charged £2, plus one message at your standard network rate.  100% of your donation will be received by whg and passed on to Homeless International (registered charity number 1017255).

Homeless International are now known as Reall - visit them here http://reall.xyz/ 

Your own Motivate Bootcamp weekend can be booked here: https://motivatebootcamp.co.uk/  

Giving it all up...

It appears October is going to be the month of "no thanks".

I have decided to give up alcohol for the month alongside a few friends who are variously raising money for Homeless International and Macmillan.  And because the last time i did this I actually managed to eat the equivalent in cake, I also have to give up cake :(

So after the lovely Italy holiday with alcohol for lunch and dinner, I am going cold turkey.  I finished off the half bottle of Merlot last night, so there's no open wine to tempt.  I went to Starbucks and brought fruit not a muffin.  I can do this.

And I cannot replace wine and cake with chocolate because I need to get up a really big mountain in 7 weeks time!

If you want to show your support, that would be awesome - every penny counts when we're trying to raise 50k for such a great cause as Homeless International.  You can donate here at http://tinyurl.com/sponsorcharlfornepal or by texting HOMELESS to 70099 (you will be charged £2, plus one message at your standard network rate.  100% of your donation will be received by whg and passed on to Homeless International, registered charity number 1017255)

How are we feeling???

If there's one thing that bootcamp taught me, it's that I can yell "great" whilst grinning and completely lying through my smile.  Thankfully Louise, the trainer at Motivate Bootcamp is fully aware we're grimacing through the pain - but at least when you fake it till you make it, you still make it!

Yes, I spent last weekend in Buxton on a Bootcamp weekend and actually, I had a really good weekend.

I arrived in Stockport to get a lift with a woman I've never met to go off to a YHA hostel just outside of Buxton to be shouted and exercised at by complete strangers.  Proof indeed that I have a weird side...  Thankfully, Hall Bank in Hartington is beautiful - a 17th Century manor where Bonnie Prince Charlie apparently once had his own room.  I was one of a dozen women who'd come for the whole weekend - a Friday - Sunday bootcamp extravaganza!  We started with fitness tests and boxercise, and by that point I'd had enough.

It's fair to say Boxercise was a proper work out - far harder than I'd thought it would be watching other people do it.  Add in the ducking and diving and pasta salad for me and I had the dubious honour of being the first (OK, only!) person to throw up during bootcamp.  One session in!!  First session and I was going woozy, turning pale and throwing up in the toilet.  If I'd been closer to home, I think that would have been the point to admit defeat, decide i couldn't do it and go home.  Harder to do when you're stranded in the countryside and everyone is really supportive and lovely.  Well, except my partner at the prospect of me throwing up on her, but she was definitely encouraging me to have a rest :)

Some cold water, a break and some sheer bloodymindedness and I was back on it, as well as the circuits (apparently burpies also make me feel sick!) and stretches and one hell of a work out.  Circuits were definitely more fun than boxing, especially with a reprieve from Steve on those blasted burpies.

By the time we'd had a shower and some food, all most of us could muster was the sofa in the lounge (although there might have been a couple of escapees to the local pub!) and we had a lazy night getting to know one another a little better and talking about food!  Not helped by the lovely smells of dinner coming from the adjacent restaurant. I made the responsible decision to have a non alcoholic drink at the bar, but may have weirded out the barman slight by telling him I was having an argument with my inner devil.  The devil wanted deluxe hot chocolate, perhaps with a whiskey chaser.  I ended up with soda water.  I'm so good / so not worth undoing the torture of bloody boxercise so soon!

Saturday started with lots of sore bits and an interval "run" - which meant running only down hills and only when Louise was looking.  As well as lots of different classes, I also unfortunately learnt how to do burpies without being sick as Louise proved she's definitely the tougher trainer (I'd managed anything like star jumps by closing my eyes, but it's impossible to do burpies like that).  Apparently the answer is a fixed point of view, like when you're travel sick in the car and hurrah, I'm cured of my allergy to burpies.  Oh joy!!!

The classes were all tough, but the team were great, with a few extra ladies who'd joined us for the last two days.  Team games were fun - especially beating the others at tug-of-war even with Steve on their side.  Even being on the end of the tug of war as the biggest on the team didn't bother me the way it usually would have - it felt much more like just a face rather than a defining aspect of me.

The day was hard, really hard, and there were several times when I felt close to my limit - close to my body not being able to carry on and do what was being asked of it but i battled on, with the encouragement of Steve and Louise who are great trainers, and the support of the wider team.  Whenever one of us was struggling, we were all there to encourage each other and keep each other going, sharing a laugh or a grimace of pain and giving each other the strength to persevere.

Seven hours of training is more than I would have thought I could do, but in actual fact I never reached that limit i assumed I had - it seems my body can do a lot more than I gave it credit for.

The highlight of Saturday was definitely the rather painful sports massage, I could feel the future pain coming out and easing away.  It might not have felt like that every time I got up from the sofa that evening, but I knew when I got up Sunday that it wasn't anywhere near as bad as it would have been without it!  I'd actually like to pack her in my suitcase and take her to Nepal with me!!

Saturday night was another sofa night with X Factor and a second early night - we definitely were not the party princesses of Buxton but at least there was hot chocolate for a hard days work!

A lovely Sunday dawned with clear skies and an early walk through the countryside followed by an interval "run" than even Louises encouragmenet couldn't turn into a run.  It might have only been a half day, but they made sure we worked hard to the end and everyone put their every last effort in to the final sessions.

It was a weekend of hard sweat and at least once nearly tears (honestly, I'm not sure my thighs could have burnt more without bursting in to flames) but also laughter and friendship and for all of us the proof that we can push ourselves further and harder, achieve more than we thought we could.

For me, it showed me that even when I think I can't give any more, I can.  My body can do what I need it to, and that better mean 10 days working and climbing my butt off in Nepal!

You can donate towards the 50k whg has committed to raising for Homeless International  here at http://tinyurl.com/sponsorcharlfornepal or by texting HOMELESS to 70099.  You will be charged £2, plus one message at your standard network rate.  100% of your donation will be received by whg and passed on to Homeless International (registered charity number 1017255.

Your own Motivate Bootcamp weekend can be booked here: https://motivatebootcamp.co.uk/ 

I am NOT a goat, that is NOT a path!

Lets be honest, what I was about to do on Tuesday morning was going to be the hardest thing I had ever done physically and probably mentally.  I was stood at the base of Snowdon with most of the Nepal team and now I was expected to climb it, and I honestly didn't know if I could do it.

The night before in the pub, everything had been relaxed and fun and the climb seemed possible, but in the early morning sunshine, fully dressed in walking boots and back pack and far too many layers, I just wasn't sure I could.  I'd had the drama over whether my hydration bladder was leaking (turns out I can't fit a lid properly) and had been for about 3 emergency wee's of my own; I'd packed enough snacks for half the team; I'd not really figured out the reality of what was going to come next.

8.35 am text to my husband: "We're just leaving.  I feel sick.  Nerves and fear of judgement xx"

I was so scared that I would just be no good, that I would let everyone down and they would wish I wasn't on the team, that they'd prefer it if one of the reserves had my place instead.  Of course, the biggest criticism is in my own head, I know that deep down but it's hard to drown out the voices and think that they're not all around not just inside.  Every concern i'd expressed my team had been great about, but it still wasn't enough.

10.00 am: "I already want to cry and go home!!  Now we've stopped I'm good, but the thought of starting again.  We've done 40 minutes and I'm already struggling.  My chest isn't good but I'm determined I will do this, I will not get rescued and kicked off the team!!! xx"

Perhaps mountain climbing with a bad chest wasn't a great idea, but I'd spent all week ill with one thing or another and I was determined to not let this beat me.  Part of me felt that if I didn't do the climb that I would jepodise my place on the climb, and part of me felt if i didn't do the climb that I should just give up my place anyway.  It might have helped if there was a clear path, but there were times when I honestly felt like we were just climbing up random rocks.  I am no a goat, I cannot climb up vertical pathways!!  There was really a point when I just wanted to cry and tell them I was going back down.  My chest hurt and I felt like I couldn't breathe and walk and climb all at the same time, and my thighs hurt and my legs were too short and it was just so hard.

Thankfully the rest of the team were great, encouraging me and believing in me and telling me I could, I was doing it.  If I'd been alone there's no way I could have carried on.

11.06 am: "Got to the next stop, still hard, about half way up but enjoying it a bit more.  Views amazing x"
Amazingly, my fear of heights didn't really kick in - although we were really high the drops were pretty gentle - undulating greenery and amazing lakes certainly helped!  I also learnt that you're not meant to wave at the ever hovering rescue helicopters,thankfully before one came to get me!

11.26 am: "So tired"

Honestly, at this point I just didn't even know how i'd made it this far.  I'd scrabbled over rocks that were randomly assorted and piled up, declared "I am not a goat" and "my legs are too short" more times that we'd sung Disney songs and the peak still seemed so far away. At the time when they were saying we were just 20 minutes away (ha! not at my speed) it still looked miles off, and then people on the route back down kept telling me I was nearly there.  I had to wonder just how desperate to peak I looked trekking up the last length.

And then it was there.  The last bit, the last few hundred yards and a dozen more bloody steps up to the top, to touch the bronze plaque that denotes you have arrived.

I arrived!!!!!

12.20 pm: "I'm here.  Jesus I'm shattered but very proud"

I even took a photo with my ring finger on it so no one can doubt it's mine!!  It felt like such an amazing achievement to do it and get up there (not on the train!) and it felt so good that it was with the team I was going to travel to Nepal with, to know that if (when) I have a crisis, a moment of "i can't, i can't" that my team will have my back, that they will be there for me to rely on and hopefully I can offer that support and love back when i'm not halfway up a pile of rocks!

The team posed together for a group shot, and we got the amazing news that our two reserves (one of whom happens to be one of my best friends!) were able to join the trek and come to Nepal.  I might have cried a little bit, but for all the right reasons.  I will be amazing knowing that Sheleen and I can do this trip together, that I have someone who really gets my silliness and in whom I inspire silliness (although when Suzie was ticking my new cuddly dragon, Gilly, I realised there might be a contender for humouring me!), and that we will have those amazing memories to carry forward together.

The route down felt far easier (on my chest, not my knees) and with the addition of a couple of walking sticks we seemed to drop down a huge height in very little time, leaving us with a long walk around the beautiful lakes and lots of time to take geography-esque photo's (oohhh looks at that seam of granite!  look at the strata!).  I would have happily spent a weekend camping on the side of the lake it was so stunning, but there was a pub stop and a drive home to my husband calling.  Perhaps I can convince my husband to get up there on the train...

When we finally got back to the vehicles I had a well deserved double whiskey to celebrate and we headed home, with aching legs and glad hearts.  It really was an amazing day and even though, two days later, my thighs still ache, I'm feeling so much more confident and excited about Nepal.  I know there's a long way to go - how hard Snowdon was really helped me see how much I have to do if I want to do that four days in a row, but I'm determined, just as soon as I can walk again, to get those legs moving and ready for the next big pile of randomly assorted up rocks!

You can donate towards the 50k whg has committed to raising for Homeless International  here at http://tinyurl.com/sponsorcharlfornepal or by texting HOMELESS to 70099.  You will be charged £2, plus one message at your standard network rate.  100% of your donation will be received by whg and passed on to Homeless International (registered charity number 1017255.

Fundraising fundraising

Selling Cakes for Nepal! 

I don't think any of us wanted to see any more cakes for a while, but it's nice to know that as we're all getting fitter we're filling the tummies of Walsall with cake!  

And the aubergine and lime cake was a taste revelation...

 

You can donate towards the 50k whg has committed to raising for Homeless International  here at http://tinyurl.com/sponsorcharlfornepal or by texting HOMELESS to 70099.  You will be charged £2, plus one message at your standard network rate.  100% of your donation will be received by whg and passed on to Homeless International (registered charity number 1017255.

Bootcamp and bras!!

It was a pretty busy week last week, with me starting boot camp and the gym, and a disproportionate amount of it consequently in pain!!  My fairly relaxed "ohh I feel really good today" on Thursday quickly became "aagghhhh I feel like dying today" by Friday morning.

April, who's also on the Nepal trip, has been running boot-camp for a month or so, but on the nights I've been working at youth club.  However, now she's doing an extra night a week and I have no excuse / escape.

 

First session, on a very hot and sunny day, I see a new side of April - the generally sweet and caring girlie turned into a bossy bossy woman!  Firstly, I've realised that if you;re talking weather and boot-camp, the ideal answer is not sunshine.  Nope.  The sun takes no prisoners and neither does the crazy lady is making you so frog jumps, burpies and planks.  Either I stick my bum in the air, or my knees are temptingly low to the floor.  Burpies are just the devils work, but thank god for the two bras I was wearing, else we'd have been treating half the team for trauma!!  That is not how to make a good impression on the Chief Exec.

All the money we pay for boot-camp is going towards our Nepal trek, and it's getting us fitter for those 6 hour daily walks up the mountains.  If my first session was anything to go by though, she's definitely got her work cut out for her, about as hard a job as my poor sports bra.

All that jiggling about in the sun left me feeling rather like I was going to throw up, but apparently that's the sign of a good work out - although i was threatened with the sack if I threw up on the Chief Exec - uh, not this side of the Nepal Trip thank you very much!!

I've joined the local gym too and did my first work out on the Thursday - an hour of treadmill (ugh), cross trainer (evil), rowing machine (fun) and some weights.  All great until a couple of hours later when I could barely move.  I was actually lying in bed wanting to roll over and not being willing to use the muscles it required, my stomach hurt that much!  I can't say it got much better the next day to be honest.

I know the physical aspect of the trek will be the hardest part, but it's also the bit I have real control over.  I just need to give it my all, get fit, watch what I eat and get my toned butt up that mountain!

You can donate towards the 50k whg has committed to raising for Homeless International by texting HOMELESS to 70099.  You will be charged £2, plus one message at your standard network rate.  100% of your donation will be received by whg and passed on to Homeless International (registered charity number 1017255. 

Alternatively, if you want to sponsor me, you can do so here: http://tinyurl.com/sponsorcharlfornepal

Practice dress up!

Well my boots and thermals certainly got a good try out against the mud and 2 am cold at Bloodstock.  I practically lived in my thermals for the last two days, but thankfully when off to see bands they passed for purple tights and gave me some much needed cool points!!

After years of layers of socks inside thin soled wellies, I've definitely been converted to the joys of proper boots!!

It didn't rain for the first few days, which meant I got to plod around camp in my walking socks, which are amazing!!  Only problem is, they got so much dried grass stuck to the bottom of them that even after a machine wash, I'm still pulling the bloody stuff off it!  Downside was treading where someone had emptied their hot chocolate, and ending up with a soggy brown patch...

You can donate towards the 50k whg has committed to raising for Homeless International by texting HOMELESS to 70099.  You will be charged £2, plus one message at your standard network rate.  100% of your donation will be received by whg and passed on to Homeless International (registered charity number 1017255. 

Alternatively, if you want to sponsor me, you can do so here: http://tinyurl.com/sponsorcharlfornepal

Fat Girls Can't What?

"So, what are you doing Charlotte?"

Innocent enough comment as a group of us sit around talking about my trip, the training I need to do generally to get ready for Nepal, perhaps a justified comment considering that I am officially fat and it doesn't take a genius to look at me, judge me and make that sensible conclusion that i'm probably the biggest on the team. Logic dictates that I must be the least fit, that surely anyone less fit than me wouldn't even consider it!!   However, regardless of this logic, it was the tone of the question and other similar comments from other random people about fitness and exercise that seem pointed at me specifically because of my size.  I think it's more than just my paranoia and internal dialogue having a mean fit. Thankfully, I've not had nor would expect to get such comments from my team, that I imagine their biggest concern is likely to be that I come across as a bit weird!! This was just a random chat between people who don't really know me, yet have the right to judge me on my weight in a way that it isn't socially acceptable to do about anything else.
I smiled politely at the question, explained about how I was going to boot camp and the gym, deflected the answer in my head which ran along the lines of "I'm doing everything I can, I'm trying, I'm having a go, I'm putting myself so far out of my comfort zone I'll need a bloody A to Z (OK, Google Maps) to find my way back, but do you know what?  At least I'm doing it!  I will not be limited by the boundaries of my fear, otherwise i'd never leave the house!!".  I was the polite young lady my father raised.

The conversation moved on to talk about practice walks, and how my Nepal team are going to Snowdon a few months before as a team bonding exercise but also to give people an idea of what they still need to do by way of training and preparedness.  "I guess it'll give people an opportunity to drop out if they're not fit enough, it's not fair on the rest of your team otherwise".  Did I imagine the pointed look that came my way?  I don't think so.

Of course, it's entirely possible this person was being general and inquisitive out of genuine interest in my fitness regime, but again, there's a tone, a look I am becoming accustomed to.  A look that says i'm being ridiculous to want to do what all the other (normal, healthy, not fat) people do, that I can't possibly be as good as everyone else on the team.  It feels like all anyone can see is that I'm fat, so i must be unfit, I must be lazy, that sitting around on my bottom eating chocolate cake (oh god, how I wish I had the time!!) must be my primary endeavour and I'm probably going to get 3 steps up the mountain, cry and demand to be airlifted to the bottom.  Despite the fact that Homeless International don't put restrictions on weight or size (their interest is in your overall health) it seems that like everything else, all we care about is a persons size, and the judgements we get to make about them consequently. And these judgements haven't come from the people who will be doing the trek with me, the people who most have to worry about my capability. It's the trainer at the gym, the guy selling me shoes in the shop, people who are just generally curious about what we're off to do.

Don't get me wrong, i know i need to improve my fitness, but then again if i was 10 stone I'd need to improve my fitness because i don't climb that many mountains or even really hills.  I spend my daytime's split between the office and being out on the estate, I spend my evenings split between running after other peoples teenagers and vegging on the sofa.  I spend any time outside of that seeing family and friends, doing two lots of volunteer work and looking vaguely at the housework which comes at the bottom of all my to-do lists.  Basically, I have the same basic standard of fitness as most of us, with a greater fondness for cake.

I've been dieting on and off (all my adult life?) for the last few years, but when I got married April 2013 there was an additional priority for losing weight, with the hope of the pitter patter of tiny feet in our future.  I've lost some weight, but the pressure I put on myself to lose it is counter-productive, and much of it has yo-yo'd on and off.  I have a slip, I beat myself up, I tell myself that I'm never going to do it and I'll never be a mom, I slip further and on it goes.  However, whilst the pre-wedding diet utterly failed (until, ironically, after the final dress fitting!), the post wedding diet has been a bit better, and I've lost a stone.  There's still a long way to do, but getting fit for Nepal actually feels like less personal pressure.  Knowing that I can't let the team down is actually easier to bear than the feeling that I'm letting myself and my husband down and between eating better and getting friendly with the cross-trainer (and of course April's bootcamp hell) we finally have something approximating progress!

So yes, I need to get fit.  I know that, we all know that.  But actually, despite my desire to vomit at the end of boot camp, I wasn't the one who struggled the most - it was actually someone who far slimmer than me and is definately fitter than me, but we all have different strengths and hers isn't berpies. Encouraging me to do them and ensuring I know that i'm great and can do this whole thing - that's definately more her strength, and i'm grateful that I have people with that positivity in my life. My point is that just because I'm fat doesn't mean that I'm worse off than every one else, doesn't mean that i can't push myself to do what I need to do, and doesn't mean that the looks and the comments don't bother me.

A friends suggested I use the negative comments to spur me on, and whilst I agree on the basis of not wanting to let them get me down, actually that would make it seem like the comments were a good thing. That they were a necessary evil to get me where I need to be, and that actually, making negative comments about people's weight is permissible because it will spur them on.  How about us just being supportive of each other??

This fat girl (because even if I'm super fit and slinky by then, I'll always be a fat girl inside) is going to get to the top of those mountains, I'm not going to throw up and cry at the rope bridges (I might sing the school song - i find it soothing - and everyone else can cry), I'm not going to demand air rescue (Prince William doesn't do that anymore and I doubt he'd be covering Nepal anyway) and I'm going to prove that what anyone else can do, I can do.

Don't judge me on my looks, judge me on my achievements.

You can donate towards the 50k whg has committed to raising for Homeless International by texting HOMELESS to 70099.  You will be charged £2, plus one message at your standard network rate.  100% of your donation will be received by whg and passed on to Homeless International (registered charity number 1017255. 

Alternatively, if you want to sponsor me, you can do so here: http://tinyurl.com/sponsorcharlfornepal

My new bag

Oh yes, after much searching, one false start and the beginnings of tragic obsession, I've found the one!  Worryingly, that sounds very much like my love life...
Anyway, perhaps that's a good omen and just like my husband, hopefully the bag will join me on many exciting adventure, carry all my luggage and be comfortable to sleep on when I'm tired!

You can donate towards the 50k whg has committed to raising for Homeless International by texting HOMELESS to 70099.  You will be charged £2, plus one message at your standard network rate.  100% of your donation will be received by whg and passed on to Homeless International (registered charity number 1017255. 

Alternatively, if you want to sponsor me, you can do so here: http://tinyurl.com/sponsorcharlfornepal

In the words of Gandalf...

"I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay... small acts of kindness and love"

This is what I hope we'll achieve by going to Nepal with Homeless International - that our small acts will make a difference in the lives of the families we can help, and that the change will pass down and around to their communities and their children, and that we'll all change as a result of it.

I guess that sounds a little Miss World "I wanna make the world a better place", but it's true and why going to Nepal means so much to me.  Why Tony and I are making the sacrifices and changes in plans for our future so I can go, and maybe one day I can show our children all the photo;s and tell them how I did my bit to make the world a better place.

When I was 18, I went on holiday with my Dad to Sri Lanka, a beautiful country, amazing people, fantastic chocolate cake!  However, amongst these amazing memories, what I remember is sailing down the river and seeing piles of plastic rubbish on the banks, and the foamy water running from the houses down the ditches along the side of the road.  The local people were building their homes one room at a time - saving to build bricks etc and then adding on to their homes, but because of the lack of legislation and planning there's little in the way of infrastructure.  The though of all those families living so close to that dirty water, which was likely to be running into the local water courses used for every day water made we want to become Environmental Waste Minister for Sri Lanka!!

Clearly that hasn't happened yet, but I figure there's still time...

When I went to University, one of the most fantastic opportunities over the four years (other than all the friends I made) was our trip to Kenya - two weeks touring around the country as part of our Environmental Development Degree.  Again, the country was beautiful, from the beach in Mombasa (where I got so drunk on rum that my friend Marie had to explain that there wasn't two moons, just a reflection in the sea!) to "Kuku", the Maasai Field Studies Centre where we learnt the value of lizards on the outdoor toilets (hint: pick the one with the most lizards).  However, I also remember the piles of Coke bottles in one of the villages we visited - the modern "technology" exported over but with no real way processing that once they'd been used!

I suppose both experiences just made me really want to do something in the world, to play a part in the world bigger than my home town or country.

So often we can look at the problems in our own small world and think that we don't have the time, the energy, the scope to help outside of that sphere, but where would any of us be if we only had capacity to help ours and ourselves?  Where would the big changes in the world come from if we weren't able to pull together to do something amazing - all those little changes, coalescing into a world that's better than the one we joined.

Whether it's helping a stranger in the street, spending your weekends in a muddy rainy field talking to emotional metal fans or trekking across the world to give a few days to improve a local community, I think each and every one of us should try to make our world a better place.

You can donate towards the 50k whg has committed to raising for Homeless International by texting HOMELESS to 70099.  You will be charged £2, plus one message at your standard network rate.  100% of your donation will be received by whg and passed on to Homeless International (registered charity number 1017255. 

Alternatively, if you want to sponsor me, you can do so here: http://tinyurl.com/sponsorcharlfornepal

Welsh Training!

I'm spending a long weekend in Wales working for Samaritans this weekend, so my Nepal training will have to be adapted slightly! 

Today we've had army tent erecting, peg hammering, and lots of carrying heavy things around.  Not quite a 4 hour hill walk, but it's a start.  I'll be at work from 10 pm till 3 am so perhaps I can turn drink making into an aerobic exercise routine!!

The hardest thing working away is diet and sleep.  Because we work all hours, our crazed body clock is routinely appeased by caffeine and sugar - coffee and cake, ideally coffee cake, is always the answer at 2 am, whilst if you're finishing work past 5 am, it's a bacon butty and a glass of wine.

I've been cutting down my carbs, but at festival I'm a carb junky and a caffeine addict.  So that's the challenge for this event.  I do not have to have bread with every meal, I do not have to have cake on every shift. 

I shall walk to the beach at every opportunity and I will not catch the shuttle bus!!

I'll let you know how that goes...

You can donate towards the 50k whg has committed to raising for Homeless International by texting HOMELESS to 70099.  You will be charged £2, plus one message at your standard network rate.  100% of your donation will be received by whg and passed on to Homeless International (registered charity number 1017255. 

Alternatively, if you want to sponsor me, you can do so here: http://tinyurl.com/sponsorcharlfornepal

Ooh, I'm going to Nepal!!

So it's been official for a few weeks now, but i think it is finally sinking in.
In November I'm heading off to Nepal with 16 colleagues from Walsall Housing Group, flying out to Kathmandu and then on to Pokhara to complete Homeless International's Rooftop of the World Community Challenge.

As well as several days working on a community challenge helping to build homes for some of Nepal’s most disadvantaged slum families, we'll also spend several days trekking through the Annapuma region.

It's going to be the trip of a lifetime and whilst the hope is that our work will change the lives of families living in these areas, I know it's also going to change the lives of all of us on the trip.

Now all I have to do is get fit, get packing and get going!!

Homeless International

You can donate towards the 50k whg has committed to raising for Homeless International by texting HOMELESS to 70099.  You will be charged £2, plus one message at your standard network rate.  100% of your donation will be received by whg and passed on to Homeless International (registered charity number 1017255. 

Alternatively, if you want to sponsor me, you can do so here: http://tinyurl.com/sponsorcharlfornepal